Breath

So I have this problem, well, I don't know if it's actually a problem, more like a disconnect between my inner and outer lives. Of course, to even write or complain about this sort of thing is ridiculously self-involved, but the who the hell is reading this blog anyway? There aren't enough pics on this blog to warrant checking back on a regular basis (most of the pretty/party pics are in the NY Miscellany blog). The reason I mention this "problem" at all is that I happened to revisit my old Xanga blog, which was refreshingly frank compared to this one (also a somewhat painful walk down memory lane). I just wrote what I felt, no matter how puerile or paranoid or desperate. Not that I want to feel that way again, those were some shitty, shitty nights when I was writing back then, but it feels more real looking back on it now. And there were some moments of joy and hope. Most of the entries in this blog have been rather bloodless and clinical, not exactly in keeping with the title "Ich will dir mein Herze schenken". So on the eve of another half-birthday, I'll finally get around to what I should have done in the beginning - give you my heart.